i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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