i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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