whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
