Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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