Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
