He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
