And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
