I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
