man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
