none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
