so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
