i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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