his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
