The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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