I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
