That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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