Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
