Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
