Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
