I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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