I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
