Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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