i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
are you so shy because you have an std?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
