P.S. I can't hear my feet
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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