Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
