he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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