$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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