I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
