Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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