nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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