I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
