spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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