Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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