This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
