sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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