nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
