6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
