I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
