Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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