you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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