Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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