Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we're making bets on your personal life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
