My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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