Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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