talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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