you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
