i need an iv and a liver transplant
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The Olympian is in my bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
