would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
