I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
