Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i've created a new STD.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
