I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
